Bacon, Chocolate Ice Cream and Bees

August 21st, 2009

I’ve been craving some bacon and chocolate lately so I went to the grocery story with ten bucks to get a quart of chocolate ice cream.  With any luck I hoped to find a deal that I might be able to acquire two quarts so imagine my joy when I get there to find a huge variety of chocolatey delights for only $1.99 each!!

I stand in line with my four, count ’em, 4 quarts of chocolate chunky frozen goodness and ten dollar bills.  The line’s moving quickly but all I can think about is pouring bacon crumbles over this stuff.  My turn at the register comes and the cashier quickly works up my total, which looks like it’s going to be over 25 bucks, then he swipes my “club card” and the final total is … $15.85.

“Wait”, I say.  “I think these are supposed to be $1.99 each … does that seem right?”

The cashier pulls out his store circular and checks.  Sure enough, that’s the deal-eo!  But there’s a limit on two quarts per purchase.  There’s always a catch.  Okay, fine.  I just really need some chocolate.  He takes two of the quarts and removes them from the total.  And from my bags.  But I need to check which ones I’m allowed to purchase because one of the four isn’t as chocolately as the others and sure enough, it’s in my bag already and needs to be swapped asap.  The bacon to chocolate ratio is very important.

Suddenly, a manager pops up out of nowhere and overrides the action, then he’s gone.  Bam, these guys are fast, but I actually want one of the flavors he’s taken out and I tell the cashier while I attempt to swap it with one in my bag.

He abruptly says, “May I have your club card again sir!”

I try to tell him about my swap idea while fumbling through my wallet and pockets looking for the precious club card that grants these $1.99 chocolate wishes, then he realizes that he still has my club card and swipes it for me.  Now I can see he’s barely paying attention and certainly unaware of my choco-baco dilemma.  So I try to explain again, “I’d prefer one of these flavors over the one already in the bag.”

“That’ll be $3.98, sir.”

Damn!  Why is he battering me like this?  I hand him the four bucks and try to explain my preference in flavor once again.

ZIP! ZIP! DING! … Ca-Ching!  Lickity-Split!  My dollar bills go into the till, the change dispenser spits out my two pennies and the cashier hands me my receipt and says, “May I have your club card again sir!”

Okay, now I’m thinking, WTF?!  Does he know how to work this frakkin thing or what?  This guy is about to drive me completely bacos!  I’m usually soft spoken and tend to mumble but now it’s clear there’s some hearing impairment or selective judgement at work here.  I mean, this guy is going so fast and he’s not even looking at me.

So just as calmly as before, I repeat myself,  “I’d really prefer one of these flavors instead, please.”

Then at last!!  He reaches for the other quart.  He grabs it.  BEEP!  Then the other one.  BEEP!  The second pair of quarts go into my bag.

“That’ll be $3.98, sir.”

So, finally, I’m like, “Oh, I see what you did there!”

So now I’m chuckling, and I say, “I’m sorry, I thought you weren’t listening to me and it turns out you heard me just fine”.

THANKS MAN!

I bet he knows a thing or two about how bees can cause water damage.  Hmmmmm.

A New Exquisite Corpse

October 13th, 2008

I joined this little art community called Exquisite Corpse (pre-automation ~ 2002) but was never delivered a slice until after it’s automated reintroduction. I worked on about 10 corpses and then the site founder closed up shop.  The gallery is still there but the community has moved so now I finally found my way over to ‘Shae and Company’.  A New Exquisite Corpse.  Good things will come of this.

Perceiving Space-Time

June 21st, 2008

It’s difficult to talk about the abstract so we have to invent a special language to talk about the things we cannot perceive.  If these dimensions of space-time require imagination to perceive, then is all of reality an illusion?

Watch these two great videos to have your mind blown.

Understanding The Fourth Dimension


Site Makeover | Widget

June 8th, 2008

For the past year I have wondered what this site would become and how it would look.  Taking some inspiration from a favorite 3D modeling program I’ve decided on this simple approach using actions which also coincide with the beginning development of a web app/widget.

Orange.  Something about it is adventurous, mysterious and well, weird.  The condiment theme fits with some concepts that I will introduce as the widget evolves and becomes available in different refreshing flavors.

ENJOY!

Net Neutrality

June 6th, 2008

When the newspaper first emerged it acted as a democratic voice until the press was owned by early corporations.

Then the radio became the transmitter of the free mans voice, until it was taken over by powerful corporations and federal bureaucracy.

The television, a modern media channel owned by corporations that sell you the news they want you see.
Then suddenly, something so huge and free emerges that brings liberation to the whole world as a true democratic beacon…the internet. And if that isn’t enough, the internet takes over the radio and the newspapers and clearly, the television is quickly becoming the internet.

Unless we let the corporations get control of the internet and turn it back into the TV and the remote control that corporations want of your lives.

KILL YOUR TELEVISION

Stop watching TV.
Stop buying CD’s and DVD’s
Stop listening to the radio and reading newspapers

Start using torrents and the pirates bay
Start downloading and streaming your music and video entertainment
Start tuning in to independent channels

The TRUTH is out there!

AND IT’S FREE!!!

Blender | Big Buck Bunny

May 30th, 2008

Blender is the amazing open-source 3D modeling and animation program available for all major operating systems under the GNU General Public License.  Each summer a handful of artists from all over the world converge in Amsterdam for six months to produce a CG short using only open-source (FREE) software.


Also see: Blender’s Orange Project from 2006

Elephants Dream

Since seeing the first movie I have been learning to use Blender, which is nothing like any other 3D program I have ever used.  The interface takes some getting used to but once I unleashed the power of this unique software I realized that I want ALL of my programs to work this way.

Helmholtz Resonance | Hang Drum

May 16th, 2008

Ever at a loss about what gift to give on a day like today?

No, this is not a wok.

No, this is not a wok.

Similar in design to a steel drum, the Hang (pronounced hung) drum is created by PANArt in Switzerland and it is rather difficult to obtain because they are made by only two people!


Audiotool by Hobnox

May 14th, 2008

Mix it up old school with this Flash/browser-based Audiotool for making beats.

Simulating the popular Roland TR-909 and TB-303 with additional effects using pedals and rumored upcoming MIDI support.

All I’m desperately needing here is a multi-touch surface.
Are you with me?


John Resig ports Processing to JavaScript

May 9th, 2008

John, you one-eyed SOB, this will most likely reverse global warming.
THANK YOU!

 

I’ve dabbled with the Processing Visualization Language for a couple of years but it will be nice to see this picked up by more programmers and used where people can experience it as a part of their daily internet experience.

The concept of using ‘particle physics’ (if I may) as a design element has always been attractive to artists and web developers but to deliver it in a lightweight and unobtrusive manner has always posed a challenge.  Using Flash and ActionScript has solved this problem before and now with this development in an open environment we can begin to see these enhancements delivered more frequently and to a larger audience.

I cant wait to see what happens next.

Bands with Brands

May 4th, 2008

You’ve seen ’em, or heard ’em I should say.  The catchy songs from the iPod commercials. You know, those tunes that get stuck in your head and all day you’re asking friends, who is that artist?

 

From the Sunday Times

Bands are getting into bed with consumer brands

“There’s no doubt we are at a crossroads,” says Steve Levine, producer of Culture Club and a spokesman for artists’ issues with the British Academy of Composers & Songwriters. Having consulted on brand-related music projects, he has seen a marked change in musicians’ attitudes: “It’s as if we’ve suddenly become aware of the truth behind the smoke and mirrors of the record deal. Most artists now understand how the business works and who their fans are. That is always going to be valuable to a brand. It’s certainly a freer, more equal relationship. Record companies have to own everything, because their whole model is based on selling records – ‘Is it a hit, will it make us our money back?’ If brands do nothing other than free musicians from the tyranny of needing a radio-friendly smash to have a career, it has to be a positive.”

 

Is this a good thing?  Do independent artists want to ‘sell out’ this way?  Slap a few logos on your CD’s, wear branded clothing, etc.  It cant be that bad but the brands have to be aware that artists dont want to become billboards.  Remember when rental cars had signs and graphics all over them so everyone would know that you were from out of town?  What ever happened to that kind of advertising?  I’ll tell you.  It sucks!

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